today is the first day i did not cry about myself, my state, or my losses.

i worked from 9 am until 1030 tonight, unless you want to count the commute, in which case i worked from 8 to 1120. but i lost myself in collecting interns, money for katrina victims (300 bucks in 3-4 hours), and kids who want to help but know quite how to get plugged in. That's my job, to find them a niche and facilitate their success.

my most promising kids are a small girl named sara and a red headed boy named dan. ryan is my climate challenge intern, and i think he's going to be a superstar.

i love my job. i use my best talents: chatting, smiling, convincing and encouraging. i need to work on listening and knowing when to stop pushing.

my job includes long hours, and limited interaction with the world outside of my campuses campaigns. but i'm meeting a whole slew of activisits, in the broadest sense. girls who want to volunteer for their sororities who check their lipstick in leather-encased prada mirrrors, shy boys, girls with enthusiasm...everyone really. much more diverse...these campuses are, than the one i previously sent so much time at.

i enjoy it. the difference i can see, and interact with. my office mate has trouble interacting with people of different backgrounds and colors, but i'm glad to note that my ability to see humanity has not been lost after 4 years in a very white environment.

my only wish is that i had more time to read. there are so many good books about organizing and collective action...and yet, my schedule doesn't allow it.

what i've realised (one large glass of red wine and several painkillers later) is that this emotional experience i'm dealing with can be dealt with in a number of ways. my choices (becauses i still have choices in this situation) include claiming some mastery over the situation (not to accept blame, but to acceot a role in the events) and to take comfort in every tear-threatening moment--at least i know i can feel. i am alive. with or without certain things, i am still maggie rose.

i'm in a perfectly new place. perfect in that little impression has been made upon it by me. i can shape it any way i chose.

and so here i go.

off to save the world, just like i promised my high school class.

and i still believe it. i can change something. something beyond myself, to ease life for other people. i've known my calling since i was very small. to heal and help...in my own brash, quick, irreverent way.