what could someone do to betray your trust?

lie? i can forgive that.

act out of character, hurting your feelings? okay, more trouble here, but i can forgive.

try to dismantle your confidence, one innocent remark at a time? ignored (though filed and not forgiven immediately).

for me though, the greatest betrayal of all of is physical violence.

i'll describe the event: i said something pointed, sending the Other to run at me, grab my throat (i have bruises, photographed, of course) and slam my head into the ground.

eventually, through a doctor's visit and brutal honesty about what happened ("you just happened to hityour head this hard, while putting this much pressure on your neck...in the shower?" she said, eyebrow raised) i learned i had a mild concussion, will likely have a headache for another 7-10 days and that short term memory loss is to be expected for no longer than a couple of months.

so i cannot and will not forgive. wait, i have forgiven (i love him dearly, besides i can't hold on to this anger and remain well). but i can make other living arrangements. and i have.

but now i'm awake at 4 am berating myself for missing him. he does this and i cry about loss?

how long until i feel...like maggie again? not that anyone here will notice. they don't even know who she is. maybe this skittish, sarcastic, swollen-eyed girl has always been this way.