i thought i had let go of my temper. left it in houston. with all that other bullshit that's creeping into my life again.

i haven't felt like this since i was 17 and kicking holes in my wall and biting my father (yes. i bit my father. you gotta be pretty fucking mad to bite a man). i'm just consumed by impatience and frustration. at base it's all anger. i can't figure out where it came from all of a sudden. i guess i knew it was still there, but what makes it well up all at once?

other than my emotional rewind, things seem decent enough around here. i'm making the hardest choices for myself right now. not going to new york and making sure i'm not keeping friends i don't respect because i'm lonely. at least i don't give up myself in the midst of all this confusion. my pride will surely be the last thing to go in my life. just like the good book says, 'pride goeth before a fall.' and yes, i take that to mean: if your pride goes, you fall.

on that note, back to my thesis.