my hostility reaches all time highs when the weather is nice. there's sunshine, a breeze and flower petals floating...and it's all i can do to keep myself from kicking the boy meditating in the ribs. serenity shouldn't make me angry, i don't think.

what'd i'd do to see things differently sometimes. maybe it is a choice-my brutal worldview, and i'm just stubborn about things being hard. but i can't get my head around the fact that doing the easy thing is cheating somehow. what a way to live: if it's easy, it isn't changing anything, and if nothing's changing...just fucking kill yourself.

okay. i don't feel that way all the time. but no one is living up to my expectations. i'm disappointed with the lack of courage in the world. as if staying completely still will keep you safe. life isn't a t-rex; it won't not eat you if you don't move. in fact, i'm willing to bet it'll eat you quicker. life is a t-rex with great eyesight. awesome. glad i came to that profound conclusion.

i am actually glad that i can take myself from chest-wrenching contempt for the world to smiling in two paragraphs. of course, that's just an expression of my worst nightmare: dependence on other people. fuck em.