i don't know quite how i feel.

actually, i do. i'm sad. i feel like my arm or leg has been ripped off.

at the same time, i trust james' judgement.

whatever happens, in the end if we're meant to be together, i trust we will be.

and if not, then we'll be friends. how could we be anything else? no one else knows me that well.

i'm feeling a bit fatalistic, which i'm sure is obvious.

but i'm not angry. and i'm not crying. so things seem to be improving.

all i can do is trust that james knows what he's doing. because i sure don't.