i am completely overwhelmed by the feeling of not being able to do anything. i'm sitting at my thesis desk, staring at my thesis books my mouth agape. i cannot even fathom doing work right now. or ever again. i feel slightly insane, and i wish everything would stop moving so quickly. if i could stop and catch my breath, it wouldn't feel as though tears might explode from that place in my stomach.

this is not made better by the fact that everyone i know is also sharing in this feeling, more or less. it keeps me from complaining, that's for sure. but it also keeps me from being honest with my friends and myself. i can't figure out how real any of this is, and it just makes my muscles knot up and ache when i try.

i want to go home and cry. but i cannot admit defeat to the library on saturday night. besides, what would i do at home? not.one.thing.

i feel unwelcome everywhere, even in my own skin.