i have not slept nearly as much as a human should in the last few days. so much work to do on my thesis, and i get the feeling i'm not moving towards anything. my spine feels like it's in a vice, right between my shoulder blades.

i kissed someone. and told james. i feel good on the one hand for being honest, for once. on the other hand, i worry about his feelings, and what it all "means." i wasn't going to kiss him, but then i thought about it and i decided that one kiss isn't going to change my feelings for james. all i have to worry about now is that it changes his feelings for me. cross your fingers for me. i did something i knew was dangerous. maybe i'm testing this relationship, though i didn't think about it at the time. oh, goodness.

okay, i have to eat something.