the days are getting shorter and i have more work than ever, the sun is out and i'm in the library. somehow, school makes no sense to me.

i have discovered the perfect working space on the second floor though, this window of mine is perfect for spying on unsuspecting college students, like that punk rocker with a cell phone or that couple alternately arguing and hugging or that girl in pink pants getting walked by her german shepherd...

my head is pounding; it feels like there are tiny diamond miners (i was going to put coal, but diamonds seem more apt for the inside of my head--if i may indulge myself) digging their way through.

my honesty got loose again today. i barged into my cold war prof's office and heaped every worry i had on him. it went, clippingly, "ed, do you have a minute? good. here's the deal. you're the head of the history department and that's my major and i feel like you don't like me and that's a problem because you HAVE to think i'm smart because i might need a letter of rec. from you one day...help." he seemed to be surprised. he waved his hand at me and said that i'd be fine. i'll just write him a killer research paper. yea, right after i'm done with the other three.

oh, i just want to crawl into a hole until this school year is over. in fact, i want to crawl into that hole until college is over. and also until all major scary decisions are made. but i suppose that's not optional. what i want right now reminds me of that fable about tha man with the magic ball of string, and every time he pulled it a little, some time would pass and he never had to worry about hardship or dull times. but then he looked up and he hadn't had a life at all, because he pulled the little string too much. i forget where he got the ball of string...maybe from a fish. but that might be a different fable altogether. whatever, the point is...my feelings are not really all that unique. thus, i'll suck it up and move right along.

well, onto the junior sem paper. wish me luck...