new shoes eat my feet. i always remember why i only wear sneakers when my heels lose all their skin to the backs of my shoes. no good, really. but i'm going to persist. i'm armed with band-aids and damnit i'm going to have hot feet. so there pain. so there.

skipped out on a party last night so i could go to bed early. all that wondering around with alea took the party right out of me. or maybe it was never really in me to begin with. ian's whole newly single vibe makes me wretch a little bit. funny, he didn't cross my path all semester until he broke it off with that pretty blonde. eh, i guess it's not funny, exactly. maybe it even makes him a good boyfriend, on her end. but somehow, the whole situation makes me roll my eyes. for myself, a heck of a lot more goes into being a good boyfriend then just avoiding other girls until you break up. i think for me, i want my loved one to hang out and talk and flirt and have the best time while he's with me, so long as i'm the one he's faithful to. i don't need some weird artificial boundries that'll just be ignored during some break or break up or whatever else. eh, i'm all about daydream-y relationships though. with good reasons too, some would say. well, i would say.

i'm wasting time like mad right now. i should be doing this seminar paper, and i can't get past the first sentence. it's pure torture, i swear. i stopped caring at all about a week and a half ago. and i need to get it back. somehow, drugs seem like a good way to go, but maybe i'll try caffeine first. it's about to be a very long month. but, on the bright side, everything is over by may 14th. and then...nothing but sunshine and love in my world. well, and a geology class. and a full-time internship in new york city. and visiting my parents. and thinking about next year. and my thesis. and jobs after college. and graduate school. and happily forever after. or abject and alone forever after.

i've worked myself into a cigarette-needing frenzy. it's really too bad i don't smoke at all. perhaps writing my seminar paper will have a similar effect. eh, it's worth a try.

jam and i are both the most frantic lately. too much school and not enough time to stop and breathe and talk slowly about nothing at all. i notice when its absence acutely sometimes. makes me lonely, but it's going to be brief and that makes it bearable.

okay. work. well, first pee. then work. seriously.