and it is tuesday, technically. and here i am. and there he was.

how different he looked, but with all the same expressions on his face, imploring me to give up school. imploring me to explain my anger. being polite and bringing me a cookbook and touching my foot.

and then he left, wheeling his blue bike with the green fork (terrible accident that has left one side of his lip bigger than the other) out of my kitchen and into the rain. he brought me a sweater i've been missing, and thinking i lost.

we talked about john and joanie and how sweet they are, and reed and haiti and between everything was a silence and a discomfort and still-hurt feelings. whose i'm not entirely certain.

this all makes me miss good hugs from people who care. i want to be in new york now, and forever (or where ever it is my heart resides, it may move from new york, and live in houston, and then maybe back to portland and then who knows. i hear my heart wants to go to iceland). this semester is already overwhelming me. i cannot help but be behind. i don't know what i'll do, except deal and get on with it. there's no room for failure in my life right now. at anything. i don't have much wiggleroom.

well. now i think i'll read about post colonialism and avoid saying something like "how apt. get it? get it?"

my stomach hurts. is it too late to call jams?