all i want to do is talk to jams. i sent him a dream i had today in the mail. and a postcard waits for him in my bag. i feel excessive, sometimes, but it makes me smile to put stamps on things and wait for them to magically appear for him so far away. it makes me think maybe we aren't so far away.

and seeing michael last night. whew. that put a weird spin on my day. or maybe it didn't, and that's what's weird. i always expect him to have more or less of an impact than he does. and this time, i expected some kind of crash within myself. to realise heretofor unknown truths and understand something deeper about myself. but all i know is that we are both the same, in the ways that matter and tell me that we will not be good friends.

i'm already behind in school, mostly because i sleep for hours, when i shouldn't. i stay in bed and loll around the library, when i should be running and more efficient. i have forgotten stress, but no doubt it will return. as soon as i have 2 papers and my qual and my life flashes before my eyes, and i have a fit of nausea in the library. that's when i'll know i'm back in school.

living alone is sad, sometimes. like now. when i want nothing more than to talk to that silly bunny on the east coast, and none of the numbers i have lead to him. so much to say. i may just write a letter.