hot. cold. hot. and cold again.

I'm lonely in Texas. Sounds like the beginning to a bad country song, doesn't it? How apt. Went out last night, and felt the same as I did when I was 15 and out with those kids. Headache-y and ready to leave. Nothing's changed for many of em, except they went from being kids to having 'em.

I won't be in New York again for another 11 days. And I'm lonely for that boy in New Jersey. And who even knows what he might decide about me. I know he needs space. I understand that, in a deep way. But man, comfort is hard to come by these days, and I (like some kind of empty headed girl) have come to depend on it from him. Gotta find a source of that stuff in my own little body. But isn't that the trouble with humans? Needing other people?

It's too early for me to even begin whining about last night, and the dreadful phone call it ended with. I just feel big-eyed and alone. And maybe like crying about half the time. But that feeling right there is my cue to exit the dark house.