Only 13 hours and change before James arrives. Thank goodness. I�m ready to claw out my eyes for the wait I�ve been enduring. Cleaned my room to the point that I fear I might be obsessive compulsive.

It just occurred to me, though, as I lay here listening to Cat Power and digesting far too much mango and sticky rice, that James and I hugging tomorrow in the train station is literally and figuratively going to be a great collision. Where exactly it goes from the train station tomorrow is beyond me, though I have some ideas I don�t think I�ll share right away. They might make me vomit for my own girliness (and my soft heart will be exposed, and I try to hide it even from myself).

I�ve waited (waited has a connotation I don�t like�let�s think of a new word. I�ve�imagined? Daydreamed? Pondered the possibility of?)�I�ve daydreamed (good choice) about this particular boy saying the exact things he says every time I speak to him on the phone. Granted, I day dream about a number of young men, often the same ones over and over again, but James has been a regular for close to 7 years now. 7 years!! I�m confused in a way (where do I get such luck?) but I�ve also been expecting such a thing to happen (where do I get off?) since I was about 14. James was also one of the only boys to persist in my daydreams when I fell so massively in �love� (aren�t I spiteful this evening, putting that in quotes) with Michael. Man, I hope I learned something in that year and a half, I mean, lord, what else would I have to show for it?

Tomorrow, at the train station, I�m going to have a little cardboard sign for my boy. It�s going to be a little square with just a heart on it. I�m the very sweetest girl who ever lived!

Amtrak�s phone number: 800 872 7245

Requesting information about train 27

9:54 am, arrival time, thus far.

Weee! That�s a whole 16 minutes early! Damn, I�m going to smother that boy in kisses. Or I�ll beat him up, who the heck is he to occupy my time and my thoughts and my emails and my journal and god damnit, you�d think he was my boyfriend or something. Pfft.

Alright, it�s 9 pm. Maybe I can go to sleep now, and when I wake up, it�ll be time to run and get my james. Oh, Oh, Oh! How on earth will I sleep??