Still Saturday, but that last entry was interuppted by apartment searching. I�ll bet it�s 9pm now. No idea though, really.

As the day�s gone on, I like hunter more, and james even more than more, and now I�m sitting back in the hotel room alone after a hot bath to get the new york rain chill out from under my skin, and eating pills and smiling to myself about my silly dinner with hunter. I think the sexual tension is only on my side of things. Unfortunate for me�and curious for him. I wonder how much of hunter is a character. No, I guess I don�t. my pride does though. Though the pride�s laying off now that it�s found something to it justice.

And here I am with my dinner-belly in front of me, not meaning to act as an ashtray, but sufficing, and my little head wondering if this third guy can be bamboozled into our living situation. For much cheaper rent, I certainly hope so. 600 a month is doable�more so than 1000. I need to steal a manhattan phone book and just begin sending out resumes to every place I want to work. Damn, I�ll do receptionist work if it�s in a firm I like. Part time work and all time to play and fiiiiind whatever it is I�m looking for. I�m changing my name from maggie to greta. Both are derivatives of margaret, so I feel like it fiiiiine. I wonder if anyone will play along. Some might. Most will tell me I�m insane. And that�s fine too. I suppose. I�ll wear a nametag for a while. People will catch on.

But that loft in brooklyn really clears things up for me. I know what�s out there, and what I want. I think. I want all of new york to open at my beck and call! I am young I deserve a wild time during my semester off. I can see itt becoming longer than one semester if I get the correct job. Does that mobility thing happen these days? I don�t know at all. My knowledge of the world may be deeply wrong.

How can anything be wrong at this very instance though? I am naked and warm, and just finished my cigarette. My belly is full and my heart is flooded. James likes me and I want nothing but the best things for us in the time ( limited, but he says he likes forever) we have. What it is that I�m looking for in him? I must be doing something more complicated here than just sleeping with him. I feel like I might fall in it. That abyss that is love and awfullness. But I hope like hell than the latter stays gone. Hope. I think james and I have a fighting chance across all the odds, if anyone does. I just hope neither of us are creating projects to work on through the other. I don�t think so�but that sneaks up on a girl like me.

Time to reread past entries�maybe I�ll find something coherent. First, a cigarette.

Coherency is not my strong point today. But I should strike out on a plan when I get back to portland that will land me a job in nyc by the time I get there. That plan doesn�t have to be now, not in this state. I am a muddle mess over sushi and many beers and my sleepy drugs and my long hot baths. This maybe what I like best about the way I live right now. Ever comfy. Random, almost.

Time to listen to music alone and smoke until I either fall asleep or get inpiraed again. Wooooo. Here I go again.

New entry---several hours later�

Smoking more cigarettes and not feeling bad that cancer is probably stalking me. This could all work so nicely. Hunter and me and this matt kid, all from texas, who I like, for some reason.

Right now, before anyone but the pigeons and the garbage man are awake, I feel like I can make this work for myself. This is a city that won�t disappoint.

A new yorker named Greta Rose.