...and so the talk about the weirdness that exists between James and I happened. and happened. and happened.

I like that kid. But damn, he was right. He is crazy. Not of this world at all. So far from sane and measured and normal, I can't even begin to describe what transpired. How strange.

We've decided that we should focus on being friends, and not on courting some weird love affair from afar. Or near, even, because he says he always remains "far away". Not up to a relationship, that one. Not this one either, in fact. But...whatever works. I value that kids friendship more than any of the nakedness or intimacy along that route. Friendships are more solid, I think. Taking things slooooowly never hurt anyone.

Trying not to take anything that was whispered personally. My pride can be awfully invasive, at times. Silly me...I think because I want someone (now, of course, always right NOW) that it will happen that way. I err on the side of foolish passion most of the time. And this is hard for me, because my passion is often misplaced and seldom reciprocated equally. Oh me.

And fast! My passion and pride move so quickly. Setting themselves on one thing or another before I've even moved away from the last. Calming that damned heart of mine down is something I'd like to work on.

At the same time, that's what keeps me waking up in the morning. That I have this in me, this force that moves me to write, and send letters, and cry and laugh and wonder. Not always about boys, but they're easiest. I get this way about school and semester's off also. Flighty, I think is what a rude person would call it. But, I'd rather think of myself as impulsive with a purpose.

Now, as for finding that dern purpose...It still alludes me. This summer, perhaps, I will direct my passion somewhere new, and it will lead me into my next semester, whatever that may be.