Well. Here I am again, in Houston Texas, feeling it all out again.

Things sit strangely with me here. Parents, and old friends. Strange how much older everyone looks. Very strange how my friend Kat has evolved. I don't think I've changed that much in two years.

But change is on my calander for the next little while. Semester off, traveling, living, breathing and figuring out that shit that's been passing for life. Or at least, regain my focus. Pfft. Get some focus. I don't think I had any when I began at Reed.

I love the academics, but I need something different for a little while to let me know that, I think. Or maybe I'll find something entirely different inside of my little heart. Who knows! Remaining open to possibility is going to my hippie-phrase for the day.

I wrote Mike a crazy email, hiiiiigh. He responded in a friendly way. I do not think that we will ever deal with eachother in a normal way. At least, I feel that way right now. An entire summer and possibly a semester tacked on to that away-from-him time may change that. Who actually knows? Not this little girl.

And then this poor andy child. I do not want anything from him. Just some company, kind of a friend. I can't deal with his ever-growing love for me. When I get back to Portland I'm going to use the ol' just got out a relationship routine on him. Transparent much? Probably. Whatever. I cannot have him dragging around Portland all summer on my account. Poor kid. He's awful funny, and nice to such an extreme. I want to remain friends with him, but not the grabby kind. Too much touching and restraining at the same time freaks me out.

I can't let my heart be restrained at this point. And that is, quite honestly, a product of my last relationship, which was so restraining and painful and...christ, tired me right out.

I need easy. Easy friendship. Easy lovers. I'm not looking for those things anymore though. Keepin an eye open, but I insist that the relationships in my life stay as uncomplicated as possible.

There. That was almost like a mission statement.

Good night then.